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Every time you go on a date, you're faced with 347 "rules" on how to act, what to say, when to call him, when to kiss him, and how to play "the game."
These rules do more than just insult your intelligence: they spread anxiety, breed insecurity, make us all more cynical and, worse, when you follow the rules you might overlook your match.
In this empowering he said/she said guide, relationship experts Andrea Syrtash and Jeff Wilser help us take off the rules-colored glasses. The truth is men don't care if you sleep with them on the first date. (If they like you, they'll want to see you again.) How to find success in love? Don't trust the rules; trust yourself.
- Sales Rank: #1293345 in Books
- Brand: Syrtash, Andrea/ Wilser, Jeff
- Published on: 2013-06-25
- Released on: 2013-06-25
- Original language: English
- Number of items: 1
- Dimensions: 8.23" h x .76" w x 5.42" l, .60 pounds
- Binding: Paperback
- 288 pages
Review
"If the piles of books proffering rule after hidebound dating rule make your palms sweaty before you've even left the house, then this one's for you. Syrtash and Wilser cover all the ground between the first meeting and the last goodbye. For the most part, they suggest throwing out any rule that feels outdated or inflexible. After all, advice that rigidly employs the words "always" and "never" is often simply bad advice. Combining sage wisdom with refreshingly down-to-earth wit, this one's a keeper." - Publishers Weekly
"Their book has everyone talking in the newsroom." - CNN Headline News
"At first I didn't agree with the title, but then I read it... and I love this book. I've read a LOT of dating books, and this is my favorite. I laughed out loud, and there's great advice and strategies throughout. You should buy this book." - Stephanie Ramos, CosmoRadio / SiriusXM
"Andrea Syrtash and Jeff Wilser redefine the 'rules' -- by throwing them out in favor of the adage, 'trust yourself.' 'It's Okay to Sleep with Him on the First Date' is funny and wise, often at the same time. I can't wait to break up with my girlfriend to put the book to use!" - Andrew Shaffer, author of "Fifty Shames of Early Grey."
"It's refreshing to see a book that's all about debunking traditional dating rules. The point authors Andrea Syrtash and Jeff Wilser are making is simple: Trust yourself." - TheStir.com
"Upon cracking open It's Okay to Sleep with Him, you'll immediately feel that you are listening to two wittier, more articulate and more practical versions of your current BFF. Co-authors Andrea Syrtash and Jeff Wilser let us into their lives, make us laugh and most importantly dole out some of the best advice regarding dating we've ever heard." - Cheeky Chicago
About the Author
A former USMC Reserves squad leader and the author of The Maxims of Manhood, Jeff Wilser is a regular columnist on dating, sex, nightlife, and pop culture who has contributed to GQ, MTV, and VH1.
Most helpful customer reviews
11 of 12 people found the following review helpful.
Despite flippant provocative title, book distinguishes between STRONG MUTUAL CHEMICAL LOVE and SLOWLY GROW TO LOVE EACH OTHER
By Beatrice Izzey
Refreshing breath of cold hard reality instead of supposedly steadfast, one size fits all "rules".
The focus here is on straight people, and meeting someone to ultimately marry, and not just to have a good time with.
Yes, sleep together on the first date if some guy and gal just like each other A LOT and there is a STRONG physical chemistry and a ONCE IN A LIFETIME special vibe. Then why wait. I think only a few couples fit this definition, and they are very lucky to be so well matched and have found each other.
But for everyone else, perhaps the vast majority, no, don't go so fast if you are not that kind of couple. This book DESPITE its flippant provocative title, instructs that you should trust your gut feelings if you have questions or doubts. Helpfully, the book instructs that if you have some doubts but want to give a guy a chance, then you should communicate that clearly. Sounds fair right. But I guess some other advice books have been advocating that women should act haughty and cold and already booked way in advance and wait until marriage.
Also, a stereotype of women is that they won't say what they really want, so this book advises that it is fair and productive to verbally encourage men to not give up.
Written in a breezy chatty readable fun way.
To destigmatize women who did sleep with someone on the first date, there are lots of anecdotes of happy couples that did sleep together on the first date.
I would add, however, that I have known couples who did so and who have strong long lasting marriages and also couples who broke up or divorced quickly or eventually because of irreconciliable financial or sociocultural views. So having chemistry is great, but having the same views on the mundane stuff is important too and should not be discounted.
10 of 11 people found the following review helpful.
** Refreshingly relaxed attitudes & advice for today's dating**
By Wildman Keith
Althought even the suthors don't agree on everything in the book, overall I think it is a nice boost for anybody that wants to break out of old, stale rules and get with the current day, dating scene.
Some of the things they mention such as be suspicious if a dating profile on an online dating service doesn't include a full body picture is so very true. Head shots only are probably hiding an out of shape figure.
They also blast probably the worst book ever about dating ... " The Rules". Good for them.
Sometimes people really are busy or have previous commitments so the guidelines of "He's just not that into you " are also tore apart.
If your friends don't ever ask about your new dating friend, it's a sign they probably don't like them. That's a good tip off that they have in the book.
Texting versus calling is discussed. Maybe your partner doesn't know you really prefer one over the other. Don't judge them if they do one and you want the other. Just tell them.
*There's a lot more but probably the most important thing to remember is that it's just a book and if you feel strongly about something your opinion is just as valid as the authors.*
So relax and enjoy reading what they have to say.
6 of 6 people found the following review helpful.
Laugh out loud hilarious! Debunks nearly every dating myth, and keeps you updated on current trends
By Susan Schenck
This book not only debunks many of the out-of-date dating rules, but it's also laugh-out-loud hilarious! It covers everything from the first date, online dating, and sex, to knowing when to get serious and when to break up. The two authors, one male (Jeff) and one female (Andrea) go back and forth giving their points of views, which often represent the views of their gender. Both have published books and/or magazine articles about relationships.
A wide spectrum of myths are busted. For example, "Men love B--ches." Andrea points out that, "What people generally mean when they say they're not attracted to `nice' people is that they're not attracted to people who are boring or weak." In other words, don't come off as needy.
Each chapter also includes quotes from various people (first name only) on the topic, so it gives us a wider perspective.
We're given great advice throughout the book, and I wish I'd had this in my younger years! When you end a first date with someone you're not really interested in, for example, you can just say, "I don't think we're a romantic match, but I enjoyed meeting you and wish you the best." This is much kinder than saying "I'll call you" when you don't really intend to.
Jeff explains that he's learned to sniff out lifestyle differences on a first date. "When I was 22, she could be a terrorist who uses heroin, steals from churches, and talk longingly about how good it feels to kill a man. All I'd be thinking was ... she's so hot." He also wrote an article for Glamour magazine about being 34 and never having fallen in love. He pulls no punches in letting us know when to spot a male jerk!
Aside from humor and myth debunking, the book is also filled with interesting facts, such as the current average age for marrying. And the stats that living together before marriage increases the divorce rate is outdated: it used to be true because lots more had religious beliefs against premarital sex, and these same people held convictions against divorce. So they would not only refuse to live together before tying the knot, but they'd also pass on divorce. (Correlation doesn't prove causation.)
The section on online dating was especially hilarious. Apparently you can check to see when others last went online to check their dating site. Jeff describes how addictive it is: so much, in fact, that he was able to detect that a woman he was making out with was checking the site during those hours! Perhaps while he was in the bathroom or when his eyes were closed!
Some of the points I loved: "The Rules instruct women on how to attract men who like the chase. Wouldn't you prefer to attract a man who likes YOU?" And if you follow the "He's just not into you" guidelines, you'll weed out the sensitive men prone to taking their time, and attract the aggressive Tarzan types.
I also enjoyed the discussion on brain chemistry and how initial romance is similar to OCD, and the breakup can have the same effect on the brain as cocaine withdrawal or physical pain. Yet we are also given scientific evidence that it's possible to keep romance alive through the years.
This is a great book to update you on all the current dating nuances even if you aren't actively dating!
Susan Schenck, award-winning author of The Live Food Factor: The Comprehensive Guide to the Ultimate Diet for Body, Mind, Spirit & Planet
and
Beyond Broccoli, Creating a Biologically Balanced Diet When a Vegetarian Diet Doesn't Work
andExpats in Cuenca, Ecuador: The Magic & the Madness
and
Healing a Midlife Crisis on El Camino de Santiago
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